Sarah’s Beaver, unlike some folks in our state, loves it some good government. Oh it doesn’t give a rat’s arse about the current fracas over the Affordable Health Care Act. Animals and part-time employees do not get health care coverage from CBS radio, and Sarah’s Beaver gave up on any hopes of an annual checkup at the veterinarian’s a long time ago. But all this grandstanding over “Obamacare” had got the United States Government shut down completely, which spelled danger for North America’s largest rodent.
“This is bulls***”, thought the Beaver, and it stowed away on a flight to our nation’s capitol to talk some sense into our state’s congressional delegation.
You see, back in the days of it’s great-great-great-grandpappy, cute and loveable Beavers were hunted to the brink of extinction on this continent by trappers cashing in on the popularity of hats and perfume in the 19th century.
Do you know what these jackasses made their hats out of? Beavers! From those goofy-ass Tricorn jobs they still wear at New England Patriots games, to the elegant Top-hats worn by Abraham Lincoln, they were all made of felt made from the hides of Sarah’s Beaver’s dead ancestors!
And do you know what they used to make perfume? Castoreum! Do you know what Castoreum is? It’s a musky-smelling heavily-scented goo we Beavers use to mark our territory, and it comes out of a gland near our genitals, where the stuff gets mixed with our urine. Why humans would want to rub it on their bodies….well, actually it does smell pretty good, but could the humans ask politely for a quick squeeze-of-the-sack? No, the bastards killed us and cut it out!
Fortunately for all Castor Canadensis, the U.S. Government started protecting us, as early as the late 1800′s….but with the government shut down, what’s to stop Miley Cyrus from rubbing Castoreum all over her Twerking butt-ocks, or some guitar-playing douchebag from trying to popularize top-hats all over again?
So anyhew, Sarah’s Beaver went and met with the Washington State Delegation of the only group in America less popular than Nickleback or dog poop. Congressman (and former King County Sheriff) Dave Reichert (R-Eastside) was the only one of them who would agree to a photograph, but guess what? No sooner did the Beaver get back to Seattle, than the squabbling grown-up toddlers managed to come to some kind of agreement, and the Government of the United States of America can get back to protecting Beavers!
NOTE: This is NOT part of the “Where Has Sarah’s Beaver Been?” Contest!